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REVEALED: The number one mistake men make in relationships – and it happens on the very first date 

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revealed the number one mistake men make in relationships and it happens on the very first date

An Australian dating coach has revealed the one mistake men make in relationships that sets them up for failure. 

Television personality Sami Lukas interviewed expert Miki Kanamaru on her podcast Romantically Challenged to understand where men are going wrong – and their number one problem is not listening to what women have to say on the first date.  

‘It’s not necessarily coming from a bad place or a place of rudeness,’ Miki told Ms Lukas.

‘It’s often the case that the guy is so keen to impress and thinking about what he’s going to ask next that he is forgetting to be in the moment and be present.’

Television personality Sami Lukas interviewed expert Miki Kanamaru  (pictured) on her podcast Romantically Challenged to understand where men are going wrong - and their number one problem is not listening to what women have to say on the first date

Television personality Sami Lukas interviewed expert Miki Kanamaru  (pictured) on her podcast Romantically Challenged to understand where men are going wrong - and their number one problem is not listening to what women have to say on the first date

Television personality Sami Lukas interviewed expert Miki Kanamaru  (pictured) on her podcast Romantically Challenged to understand where men are going wrong – and their number one problem is not listening to what women have to say on the first date 

Her best advice for men is to lower the pressure on themselves and remove expectation, because that’s often what’s going to ‘kill things’ before they get started. 

She also recommends finding out if someone is looking for something serious or casual ahead of time so they are already on the same page as their partner.

Miki also spoke about the issue women have in breaking up with an ex and deciding not to date anyone else who has similar qualities to him.

Miki also spoke about the issue women have in breaking up with an ex and deciding not to date anyone else who has similar qualities to him (stock image)

Miki also spoke about the issue women have in breaking up with an ex and deciding not to date anyone else who has similar qualities to him (stock image)

Miki also spoke about the issue women have in breaking up with an ex and deciding not to date anyone else who has similar qualities to him (stock image)

MIKI’S BEST DATING ADVICE: 

* Don’t present only your ‘best’ parts when you’re trying to get to know someone for the first time. Show your personality for all its worth. 

* The key to being successful at dating is to be confident in who you are no matter what the other person is looking for.

* People are very ‘reactionary’ when they break up with someone, so don’t discount others just because they share traits with your ex.

* Listen to your partner rather than trying to come up with your next best line on a date.

* Find out if a person is looking for something serious or casual ahead of time.

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Every personality is different and men handle situations in varied ways, so it would be doing yourself a disservice to discount someone just because they have kids or a passion for cars like your previous partner.

The podcast explored how we should look at dating in general, and how it shouldn’t come from a fear that you won’t be able to have children or because all your friends have partners.

‘Look for joy in all areas of your life. Don’t date out of a fear of being alone,’ Miki said.     

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GEORGE WALDEN on the biggest scandal in Sasha Swire’s political diary

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george walden on the biggest scandal in sasha swires political diary

The revelations in Lady Swire’s diaries about the goings-on in David Cameron‘s circle of friends and supporters, have been described by some as scandalous. But let’s be clear about what we should actually be shocked at.

We all have chums we collect and keep up with, from school, university or work, but the so-called ‘chumocracy’ gathered round the former Prime Minister in Downing Street was something different.

For me, that was a cosy, self-serving clique of powerful politicians with similar views, usually from exclusive backgrounds, whose principal aim in life was to stay in their privileged magic circle and keep other people out.

The effects on the rest of us were very damaging indeed.

Cards on the table. My own chums reflect my background too – privileged, not in the conventional sense, but because I was lucky enough to grow up in the era of grammar and direct grant schools. (My ‘prep school’ was on a Dagenham estate.)

The Chumocracy: The 'famously chillaxed' Premier David Cameron with his Chancellor George Osborne

The Chumocracy: The 'famously chillaxed' Premier David Cameron with his Chancellor George Osborne

The Chumocracy: The ‘famously chillaxed’ Premier David Cameron with his Chancellor George Osborne

It was also a time when two-thirds of the entry to Oxford and Cambridge was from state schools, and entry into what we think of as leading professions – the law, the City, medicine, diplomacy – was widening. In many ways, we had a far more open elite than today.

So for me, the ‘scandal’ of Swire’s Diary Of An MP’s Wife: Inside And Outside Power, is not so much in their raucousness as their reek of entitlement in a supposedly democratic age.

As a former diplomat, I was struck by the gloriously insouciant passage where Sasha Swire says her hubby Hugo really ought to have been made Foreign Secretary – not because he was Cameron’s Old Etonian chum (that is taken for granted) but because Hugo was a charming fellow and had flown to lots of countries.

Before my career in politics, I was Principal Private Secretary to Lord Carrington, who was Foreign Secretary at the time. Like Cameron and Swire, Carrington was a charming Etonian. 

But he was also a man of vast international experience, not to mention having been a decorated tank commander in the Second World War, who behaved impeccably upon the outbreak of the Falklands War by taking responsibility and honourably resigning.

As a former diplomat, I was struck by the gloriously insouciant passage where Sasha Swire says her hubby Hugo (both pictured) really ought to have been made Foreign Secretary ¿ not because he was Cameron's Old Etonian chum (that is taken for granted) but because Hugo was a charming fellow and had flown to lots of countries

As a former diplomat, I was struck by the gloriously insouciant passage where Sasha Swire says her hubby Hugo (both pictured) really ought to have been made Foreign Secretary ¿ not because he was Cameron's Old Etonian chum (that is taken for granted) but because Hugo was a charming fellow and had flown to lots of countries

As a former diplomat, I was struck by the gloriously insouciant passage where Sasha Swire says her hubby Hugo (both pictured) really ought to have been made Foreign Secretary – not because he was Cameron’s Old Etonian chum (that is taken for granted) but because Hugo was a charming fellow and had flown to lots of countries

I am not horrified by Lady Swire’s multiple ‘indiscretions’. Given the strains and stresses of public life, a bit of behind-the-scenes boozing and cursing or a little lustful commentary fails to qualify as real scandal.

The occasional ribaldry, such as Cameron’s less-than-gallant comment to Lady Swire in the course of a walk that he wouldn’t mind ‘giving her one’ in the bushes, does not upset me as much as it perhaps should.

In fact, I sympathise with his remark in a radio interview about the book that if someone kept a record of our private banter we might all feel retrospectively embarrassed. 

Prime Ministers today are under far greater pressure than those in the past, not least from the media, and they are unlikely to relax by reading 19th Century novels before Question Time, as Harold Macmillan did in No 10.

Yet the diaries are mightily revealing, not just about a bunch of mates at the top of government, but something deeper, too. Recently, there has been a dangerous narrowing at the top of society, and this is what comes out in spades. 

It is not the somewhat fetid intimacy of this governing clique that is truly unsettling so much as the smallness of their world. Before he was ejected as a Brexiteer, state-educated Michael Gove appears to have been the most meritocratic member, as well as the most brainy.

For all David Cameron's attempts to be chummy with the public, whether by telling us he is a huge fan of The Smiths, or denying that his wife was posh because she'd been to 'day school' (ie one that costs £20,000 a year), these diaries remind us just as forcibly how out of touch he and his chums were when they were supposedly looking after the interests of the British people

For all David Cameron's attempts to be chummy with the public, whether by telling us he is a huge fan of The Smiths, or denying that his wife was posh because she'd been to 'day school' (ie one that costs £20,000 a year), these diaries remind us just as forcibly how out of touch he and his chums were when they were supposedly looking after the interests of the British people

For all David Cameron’s attempts to be chummy with the public, whether by telling us he is a huge fan of The Smiths, or denying that his wife was posh because she’d been to ‘day school’ (ie one that costs £20,000 a year), these diaries remind us just as forcibly how out of touch he and his chums were when they were supposedly looking after the interests of the British people

As for the rest, they behaved as if life and politics were all a bit of an upper-caste game, one with no serious consequences, win or lose.

I don’t expect accounts of profound intellectual exchanges with our famously ‘chillaxed’ former premier, but then nor do I expect upstairs/downstairs reflections about Gove’s wife, new Mail on Sunday columnist Sarah Vine, who features largely as someone expected to do the cooking.

The humour, too, is a problem. Relentless jokiness is one thing, and some of it is certainly funny, yet what sticks in the modern craw is an overpowering sense of flippancy, a kind of ultimate light-mindedness about everything and everyone. It comes out most clearly in Cameron’s intimation that his aim was not to go on and on in No 10, like earnest, lower middle class Mrs Thatcher. He wanted, it seems, to get in to Downing Street and get out.

It’s as if the summit of his ambition was not to serve his country as its leader for as long as the electorate wanted, but merely to have done it once. Who can be surprised if a similar whiff is beginning to emanate from his old schoolmate in No 10 today? 

Then, of course, there is the little matter of Lady Swire’s brazen betrayal of her closest friends, and her laughably unconvincing show of horror at the thought of how they might resent it.

Being a snob is repugnant, but there is something worse: privileged folk who attempt to ingratiate themselves with the masses.

I suspect she might have thought of that when she was compiling her material – day by day and meticulously, rather than making random jottings as she claims. That is another thing about our elite governmental cliques: the way they tend to rat on one another, old-school friends included, not infrequently for revenge or money.

Their pretensions are in many ways aristocratic, except that no one could accuse this lot of being trapped in out-of-dates codes of honour and decorum.

As it happens, I am about to re-publish a book I wrote 20 years ago called The New Elites: A Career In The Masses. Elites themselves are necessary and justifiable, but my book argued that Britain was increasingly run by an upper-caste of anti-elitists. You see this in the dumbing down of education. In government, you see it in the new casualness flaunted by expensively educated people at the top.

Yet for all Cameron’s attempts to be chummy with the public, whether by telling us he is a huge fan of The Smiths, or denying that his wife was posh because she’d been to ‘day school’ (ie one that costs £20,000 a year), these diaries remind us just as forcibly how out of touch he and his chums were when they were supposedly looking after the interests of the British people.

Being a snob is repugnant, but there is something worse: privileged folk who attempt to ingratiate themselves with the masses.

You see it in the Government but also in many of our actors, comedians, sportsmen and women, who increasingly have been to private schools. Well-educated, well-paid people who try to compensate for their comfortable backgrounds with Leftish, woke or prolier-than-thou affectations.

And what Lady Swire doesn’t say because she doesn’t see it, is that in the end it was an inner remoteness from the public that finally forced Cameron out of office after the 2016 referendum.

Lady Swire tells us of his rage and surprise when the result was announced. The rage I understand, but not the surprise. If you live your life in a cocoon of entitlement, you are not going to sense the wind getting up outside your window or how hard it is going to blow.

Whether you voted Leave or Remain is not the point. What mattered was that Cameron was so out of touch with real folk that he couldn’t imagine he might lose because large numbers of perfectly reasonable people, especially the less affluent, were understandably worried about immigration and were led to believe that a loud No to the EU would stop it.

I described this in a book I wrote as early as 2007 after a tour of the North (Time To Emigrate?). Struck by the feelings of fear, resentment and powerlessness that I encountered, I warned that ‘over-abrupt changes could evoke an extreme response’ with great consequences for our country. They certainly did, not least for ‘Dave’.

George Walden’s book The New Elites: A Career In The Masses, is published by Gibson Square, priced £9.99. To order a copy, go to mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3308 9193.

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Eagle-eyed James Herriot viewers spo­­t mistakes in the remake of All Creatures Great And Small

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eagle eyed james herriot viewers spot mistakes in the remake of all creatures great and small

The return of All Creatures Great And Small to TV screens has captivated millions with its nostalgic, bucolic delights.

But for more eagle-eyed viewers, the Channel 5 version of James Herriot’s veterinary adventures in the Yorkshire Dales contains a number of irritating inconsistencies and blunders.

Several have taken to social media to point out discrepancies, especially when compared to the BBC original, that really shouldn’t happen to a vet.

For instance, in last week’s episode, fresh-faced Herriot, as played by newcomer Nicholas Ralph, had to put down a racehorse. However, the breed used in filming was a hunter, leaving knowledgeable fans aghast. 

Eagle-eyed viewers of All Creatures Great And Small, Channel 5's version of James Herriot's veterinary adventures, noticed it contains a number of irritating inconsistencies

Eagle-eyed viewers of All Creatures Great And Small, Channel 5's version of James Herriot's veterinary adventures, noticed it contains a number of irritating inconsistencies

Eagle-eyed viewers of All Creatures Great And Small, Channel 5’s version of James Herriot’s veterinary adventures, noticed it contains a number of irritating inconsistencies

Fans took to social media to point out discrepancies, especially when compared to the BBC original, that shouldn't happen to a vet. Pictured, Samuel West who plays Siegfried Farnon

Fans took to social media to point out discrepancies, especially when compared to the BBC original, that shouldn't happen to a vet. Pictured, Samuel West who plays Siegfried Farnon

Fans took to social media to point out discrepancies, especially when compared to the BBC original, that shouldn’t happen to a vet. Pictured, Samuel West who plays Siegfried Farnon

The surgery building prompted criticism as it is built of stone, not the traditional brick of North Yorkshire. The gaffe came as the remake was filmed further south in the Yorkshire Dales

The surgery building prompted criticism as it is built of stone, not the traditional brick of North Yorkshire. The gaffe came as the remake was filmed further south in the Yorkshire Dales

The surgery building prompted criticism as it is built of stone, not the traditional brick of North Yorkshire. The gaffe came as the remake was filmed further south in the Yorkshire Dales

In the first episode, Herriot left a gate open as he drove his domineering practice owner, Siegfried Farnon, into a farm – a glaring breach of the Countryside Code. 

‘I was expecting Siegfried to go ballistic at any moment, but he didn’t seem to care,’ said one mystified fan in an online forum.

Several of the show’s five million viewers also noted that the car driven by Siegfried, played by Samuel West, is tiny compared to the sturdy Rover 75 used in the BBC original, which ran from 1978 to 1990.

‘How would he fit his dogs and kit in there?’ asked one.

Other viewers regret the new show’s lack of farmyard muck, saying everything looks far too clean, such as a pristine tractor parked in the middle of a muddy field, which prompted ridicule online. 

Another fan wrote that one vet was ‘far too clean for someone who’s up to his oxters in a cow. In fact, everything looked a bit too clean.’ 

In the first episode, Herriot left a gate open as he drove his domineering practice owner, Siegfried Farnon, into a farm – a glaring breach of the Countryside Code

In the first episode, Herriot left a gate open as he drove his domineering practice owner, Siegfried Farnon, into a farm – a glaring breach of the Countryside Code

In the first episode, Herriot left a gate open as he drove his domineering practice owner, Siegfried Farnon, into a farm – a glaring breach of the Countryside Code

The character of Siegfried's housekeeper, Edna Hall, was also questioned. She was originally played by Mary Hignett (above), who was 62 when the series started

The character of Siegfried's housekeeper, Edna Hall, was also questioned. She was originally played by Mary Hignett (above), who was 62 when the series started

The character of Siegfried’s housekeeper, Edna Hall, was also questioned. She was originally played by Mary Hignett (above), who was 62 when the series started

Channel 5 invited comparisons with the BBC version by using the original theme tune to end the first episode, but fans were disappointed it was not a permanent fixture

Channel 5 invited comparisons with the BBC version by using the original theme tune to end the first episode, but fans were disappointed it was not a permanent fixture

Channel 5 invited comparisons with the BBC version by using the original theme tune to end the first episode, but fans were disappointed it was not a permanent fixture

Several of the show's five million viewers noted that the car driven by Siegfried, played by Samuel West, is tiny compared to the sturdy Rover 75 used in the BBC original

Several of the show's five million viewers noted that the car driven by Siegfried, played by Samuel West, is tiny compared to the sturdy Rover 75 used in the BBC original

Several of the show’s five million viewers noted that the car driven by Siegfried, played by Samuel West, is tiny compared to the sturdy Rover 75 used in the BBC original

The character of Siegfried’s housekeeper, Edna Hall, was also questioned. Described as dour in Herriot’s books, she was originally played by Mary Hignett, who was 62 when the series started. 

But some viewers say that now she’s played by Anna Madeley, 44, she is both too young, and ‘comes across like a bully’.

The surgery building in the new series prompted criticism as it is built of stone, not the traditional brick of North Yorkshire. The gaffe came as the remake was filmed further south in the Dales.

One keen viewer even noted that the surgery’s phone number had changed from Darrowby 85 in the BBC series to Darrowby 2297 now.

Channel 5 invited comparisons with the BBC version by using the original theme tune to end the first episode, but fans were disappointed it was not a permanent fixture.

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Mark Philippoussis opens up about party boy glory years and how off court dramas changed everything

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mark philippoussis opens up about party boy glory years and how off court dramas changed everything

Australian tennis star Mark Philippoussis has revealed the extent of his wild hedonistic life off court and the moment that changed his drive to play the game.

The 43-year-old opened up about his luxurious spending habits and extravagant lifestyle through his career that saw him driving flash cars and dating celebrities as he climbed the tennis ranks.

The two-time Grand Slam runner up told ‘The Howie Games’ the story of how he bought a $100,000 car only to sell it the next day after driving home from the dealership.

‘I’m not exaggerating when I say I would easily go through one car a month and just change it,’ Philippoussis said.

‘I never kept it because it never made me happy, I was just bored.’

Mark Phillippoussis (pictured with wife Silvana and son Nicholas) has opened up about his extravagant and luxurious life off the tennis court

Mark Phillippoussis (pictured with wife Silvana and son Nicholas) has opened up about his extravagant and luxurious life off the tennis court

Mark Phillippoussis (pictured with wife Silvana and son Nicholas) has opened up about his extravagant and luxurious life off the tennis court

The Poo serves the ball in a match against Albert Portas at the US Open in New York in 2000

The Poo serves the ball in a match against Albert Portas at the US Open in New York in 2000

The Poo serves the ball in a match against Albert Portas at the US Open in New York in 2000

Philippoussis lived in Florida in the 1990s and took a drive to Tampa with a friend to check out the Dodge and Chevrolet dealers.

The pair took to the road in a Hummer convertible and slid out on the slippery road on the way there, slamming into a concrete barrier and totaling the car.

The Scud refused to head home despite the crash and took a taxi to the dealers, which were across the road from each other, and told them whoever had their Viper or Corvette ready first would take his money.

‘You can laugh, because it’s ridiculous,’ Philippoussis said. 

‘Long story short, the Dodge Viper was ready in 45 minutes. They detailed it and I bought the car on my American Express and I drove back home with the car but I didn’t fit in it properly, so the next day I sold it.’

Philippoussis called it a ‘messed up story’ and a ‘stupid thing’, all because he refused to drive home in a taxi.

Philippoussis was known for his party boy antics and dated a slew of celebrities including singer Delta Goodrem (pictured together)

Philippoussis was known for his party boy antics and dated a slew of celebrities including singer Delta Goodrem (pictured together)

Philippoussis was known for his party boy antics and dated a slew of celebrities including singer Delta Goodrem (pictured together)

The Poo enjoyed career highlights as Australian Davis Cup captain, taking the win in 1999 and 2003 and celebrated like a party animal after his achievements.

He said he wanted to have a life off the tennis court and be able to enjoy himself on the outside of his professional life.

‘When I was on the court, I played. When I trained, I trained hard. But as soon as that thing was over, I switched off and enjoyed my life,’ Philippoussis said.

‘The greats have almost no life, and that’s the reality of it. They’re obsessed, you need to be obsessed with everything about what you’re doing. 

‘That’s what needs to happen and that wasn’t me. It was at the start, but that wasn’t me, and I can just be honest and say that.’

Philippoussis hits a backhand in the 1998 US Open. He made the final that year, finishing runner up to fellow Australian Pat Rafter

Philippoussis hits a backhand in the 1998 US Open. He made the final that year, finishing runner up to fellow Australian Pat Rafter

Philippoussis hits a backhand in the 1998 US Open. He made the final that year, finishing runner up to fellow Australian Pat Rafter

This push to appreciate and celebrate his life with family and friends stemmed from a cancer scare to Philippoussis’ dad Nick in his teenage years.

The thought of losing his dad put life in perspective for Philippoussis, leading him to change his priorities and realise what was truly important.

‘Watching someone that you love, you think they have a certain amount of time left to live, changed everything for me. And tennis seemed not so important anymore,’ he said.

‘It got to a stage where I realised I didn’t care about eating, sleeping, breathing tennis because my first priority in my life was always my family.

‘I grew up that way but that took it to another level seeing someone, your father, who helped me become who I am, almost losing him to cancer. It changed everything.

‘I didn’t give a crap about tennis anymore to be honest with you.’

Phillippoussis said his outlook on tennis changed in his teenage years after his father Nick (pictured together) was diagnosed with cancer

Phillippoussis said his outlook on tennis changed in his teenage years after his father Nick (pictured together) was diagnosed with cancer

Phillippoussis said his outlook on tennis changed in his teenage years after his father Nick (pictured together) was diagnosed with cancer

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